i would punch a child for taco bell
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
