Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize