I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
