Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
