i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
