Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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