Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
