We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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