Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
