also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
