i wish starbucks made bloody marys
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize