Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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