Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
