I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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