It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
