We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
