That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
