She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
