She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Vodka?
Forever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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