the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
