Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
