can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
