you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
