I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
