Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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