Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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