as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
