a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
