The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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