I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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