I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
