i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
