Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
