You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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