just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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