He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize