hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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