Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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