she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
