you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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