Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
