I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
