it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
