Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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