I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
