Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
