Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
