I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
