cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
