somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
