And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
