3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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