id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No subtext here. People are naked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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