You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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