haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize