there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
