Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
