The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
