i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
