I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
