mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
