I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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