Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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