why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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