OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We are two peas in an std pod
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
