Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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