ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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