Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
