i was born a porn star she said
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
