he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Congratulations! We have a period
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